Another Round of Waiting

I had my PET scan today and, thanks to my oncologist going above and beyond, she was able to talk to the radiologist directly to review the images and discuss the results so we could have them faster.

Essentially, things look the same. There was no significant increase or decrease in the activity in the region of the tumor. It still scores as a 3 on the Deauville scale. (1 and 2 are considered a complete response and officially move me to the category of follow-up and remission. 4 or 5 would mean further treatment was definitely necessary.)

There weren't really any negatives from the scan, in the sense that there was nothing indicative of movement in the wrong direction. We were really hoping, though, that the scan would show definitive improvement and we'd be able to say definitively I was in remission.

For what it's worth, the radiologist (who reviews ALL of the lymphoma images Dana-Farber sees), said that it was "a good three", though my oncologist said she has no idea what that means. Another positive is that since I haven't had the shot that stimulates white blood cells recently, my bones looked clear again and there was no concerning activity anywhere else. Also, there is no noticeable growth or even increase in activity. It's just pretty much the same.

So basically, we are going to keep monitoring it for now. I will have another PET scan in three months (June 28). At that point, the doctor said if there is any cancer left, it should have grown or increased in activity. It should also give plenty of time to clear out any inflammation or other residual activity that is hindering us from clearly being able to say the cancer is gone. She finds it highly unlikely that it would stay the same by that point, but if it did, she would consider that to be an indication that it is not cancer, because if it was, it should have grown by then.

On a side note, my white blood cells are still lower than they should be, although they are not dangerously low. She still firmly believes this is a residual effect of one of my chemo drugs (rituximab) and said that this is fairly common and in almost all cases resolves by 6 months after treatment ends.

So we wait some more. I'm reminded that today we celebrated Christ's crucifixion and are now anticipating the hope and joy of the resurrection on Easter. In between is Holy Saturday. A day of waiting. A day which for Christ's first followers was filled, not with the expectation of Easter, but deep shame, paralyzing fear, and unfulfilled hopes. A day of pain-filled waiting, not hope-filled expectation.

These last few months, we have been in a season of waiting. A season in which we keep hoping that a final definitive word will be spoken: "there is no more cancer." We're not there yet. We are still waiting. Now we have another three months of waiting ahead of us. But because of that Good Friday and that Easter Sunday - and yes, even that Holy Saturday - we are still filled hope. Hope that we will hear those words. But even more so, hope that no matter what happens or how long we have on this earth, at the end of the waiting there is resurrection life in Jesus.