Emerging from My Cave
Brief Update and Big prayer Request
I apologize for not updating much the past couple weeks. It feels like we're in the doldrums of my treatment routine with not much new to share - just going through the process of treatment and recovery, day in and day out.
That said, this week will bring big news. We're officially at the halfway point of the planned 6-cycle treatment. I go in for round 4 on Friday. However, before that, I'll have a PET scan on Thursday. At this point, they should be able to tell whether the chemo is having the desired effect on the tumor. If it is, then we'll continue with our treatment plan and then have another scan after the 6-cycles are all finished. If it's not responding the way we want, then we'll have a conversation about how that changes my treatment plan and prognosis.
Right now, I feel hopeful. At this point I don't feel any of the original symptoms that made me get checked out in the first place (no chest pressure, no difficulty getting a deep breath, no trouble swallowing). I have had a somewhat persistent cough, but I'm pretty sure that is just from the lingering cold/congestion I've had.
At the same time, though, this is obviously a big moment in my treatment, and we're feeling a bit anxious. We would really appreciate your prayers for fantastic news. We won't know the results of the PET scan until my appointment on Friday, so pray also that we'll be at peace in the coming days.
Emerging from My Cave
It seems like for the past two months, most of my excursions have been to Dana-Farber for blood draws or just going to the park around the corner. It's taken me a a couple cycles to get a feel for the ups and downs that come with chemo - when I'm tired, when I don't feel good, when my immune system is low, and when things are all more or less ok.
I started to have a better feel for it by the end of the last cycle, but then I had a lingering cold that sort of messed things up. Still, as I mentioned in my last post, we were able to celebrate a beautiful Thanksgiving with friends here in East Boston.
Well, this week has felt like a coming out party. I had a few days of feeling exhausted, followed by a few days of low immune system, and then a day or two of back pain from the Neulasta shot (though not nearly as bad as the first time). But on Thursday my immune system was back up and running and so starting Friday, we've been getting out and enjoying life and people. We started with just a family shopping trip to Target and then exploring/lunch at the new Wegman's in Medford. Saturday, we went to our small group for brunch and book discussion. The weekend culminated with getting to attend church at Park Street for the first time in over two months.
After small group, we went for a stroll through the snow to see the Faneuil Hall Christmas tree.
I'll be honest: I don't really like to be the center of attention. (Friends who have known me for a while, you can tell me if this is a more recent development...) I was nervous going to small group and especially going to church that I would be mobbed by people happy to see me and wishing me well. In fact, part of me wanted to skip just for that reason.
When I finally decided to go to church, we were running a bit late. I thought maybe we could just slip into the back, go relatively unnoticed and slip out.
Well, after dropping Kristen and the kids off and finding parking, I wound up walking up to the 5th row from the front about 15 minutes into the service. (And we're not one of those dim, stage-light sanctuaries...) My friend Tim led the corporate prayer and started by acknowledging my presence, which led to an enthusiastic (for Park Street) applause. But you know, I was actually grateful for that. I thought I'd be embarrassed, but it was actually touching. And yes, a lot of people came to say hi, but again, it really made me feel loved. And encouraged. And like I belong. The same thing was true at our small group brunch. It was refreshing to be with people, dig deeper together, share about how things have been going and mercifully not have it be "all about me".
It was also fun to partake in the Sunday Dunkin Donuts pit stop with Kristen and the kids.
There's a part of me that REALLY doesn't like to be seen or known. I value privacy and most of the time would rather not have the spotlight on me - especially the penetrating spotlight of being known. I want to be in control of how much of myself I reveal or share and (as Kristen can attest) really push back on attempts to probe deeper. Maybe I don't really trust people?
On the other hand, what I (and maybe most people) most deeply desire is to be known down to the core of my being. Known and loved both for who I am and despite who I am.
This weekend reminded me that anonymity isn't always a good thing. Being seen and known in some small way today is far better than the past two months of streaming church on YouTube. I felt loved. I felt valued. I felt encouraged by people I know and people I've never met.
Once again, I'm reminded of how grateful I am for all of you. Your notes of encouragement, your meals, your gift cards and monetary gifts. It all blows me away. And today, the gift of being seen and known was a humbling blessing. Thank you!
