T+13 Days - Thankful in the Midst

To say that these last two weeks have been some of the hardest of our lives would not be an overstatement. Our world has been turned upside down and still isn't upright. We have no idea what comes next - although we have an inkling that it will likely not be easy - nor are we guaranteed that we will make it through it (although we are hoping, praying, and holding onto that with everything in our beings). We are still a mess at the moment - and that's okay - cancer sucks and it knocks the ever-living wind out of you when you meet it face to face. We're not glossing over things - we know that this is scary and a big deal - but neither are we devoid of hope in the slightest - and doctors agree that there is reason for optimism, for which we are grateful. Even so, it feels like traversing a road that one never wished to travel. Even in the midst of these hellish last two weeks, there are countless things that we are thankful for. Jon suggested that we keep track of them, so here's my week 2 attempt to do so. [I'm not writing thank you notes right now (I'm sorry!), and I'm sure I've forgotten some - but just know we are so thankful for all the love and encouragement we have received!] We are thankful... ... that we didn't move out of area, as we thought we might this past summer. Even though on paper it made far more sense to do so, all of our promising opportunities fell through, and so we found ourselves still here when this crisis hit. Still here, with an easy PCP to call when minor symptoms persisted (had we moved, I doubt we would have had a PCP or even called because we'd still be in transition). Still here with a wonderful community of friends and family who have literally fed and carried us these past two weeks. Still here with neighbors who can and have babysat on the drop of a hat. Still here with a job that has been incredibly gracious and basically said "do what you need to do to get well" and a full slate of vacation days and sick days - and coworkers who pray for us and feed us and pray with us. Still here in one of the top medical epicenters in the country, with top cancer care facilities close to our home, should it prove to be cancer. Minutes from the airport for any friends and family who fly in. What felt like God's no - that we mourned significantly this summer - has turned into a place of profound gratitude. ... that there was a last minute cancellation/opening for Jon to see his doctor that fateful Thursday night. Otherwise, the next appointment would have been weeks from now in late October. ... for the countless people (including strangers) who have fed us, cried with us, sent money to us, prayed for us, held us, organized help for us, and watched our kids for us on the drop of a hat in the days since we first learned of this tumor. Each one of you has made our load lighter and our days brighter. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. ... for my sister-friend who has held me while I screamed, has taken time off of work to care for us and our kids, and expertly organized an army of people to feed and care for us - all while renovating her house and pregnant with her first baby. When we decided to be roommates a decade ago, I never knew how profoundly blessed I/we would be by you - both in this crisis, and in the years prior to it. ... for the elevator doors opening at a divine moment, two weeks ago at church, so that we bumped into an oncology acquaintance who we don't see often - she has since networked us to the people who will most likely be our care team in the months to follow. For the oncologists and doctors we know who have offered to connect us to specialists and experts in the field, at the best hospitals, once we have a definite diagnosis. Who have looked at our scans and talked us through procedures and big words and scary options and given us informed hope. ... for Jon's brother flying up here on short notice to be with us when he went in for the biopsy - and helped us as he healed and hiccuped - and the rest of our families who have also also volunteered to come any time and help in any way. We know you want to be here, will be here on the drop of a hat, and we are so thankful for you. ... for the gregarious MFM doctor in the pre-op stall next to ours who was in for an emergency gallbladder removal. She was enthralled by her engorged gallbladder and kept offering to show it to anyone who would look - and giggling about how she loved it so much she wanted to keep it. She was mildly drunk on her pre-op meds and she kept us laughing through the curtains with her tales and antics - through what was a very long and anxious wait for the surgery. ... for my friend who dropped everything and came and sat with me at the hospital while I waited for Jon to come out of surgery, and then went to pick up his meds so that I could just take him home. ... for our surgeon, Dr G, who, while no nonsense, personally took the time to answer all our questions and make sure that we were doing ok, even at the end of his long day. He didn't have my phone number, so he walked two different floors of the building to locate me after the surgery, and then sat with me to patiently ensure that I understood and had my questions answered. ... for sunny days and cooler temperatures this past week. They are small blessings, but they have made this week a little easier to bear. While we have much to lament and plead for mercy in, we also have much to be thankful for. We are not alone. And we are so so very thankful.